Swine flu - the real truth

Western governments to the media:

"Hey look guys, I know we've made a right old fuck-up of the economy and we're generally doing a piss-poor job of managing things, our troops are still getting killed every day in a war that was started under false pretences... unemployment and violent crime are both on the up........ all this is making us look really bad. Is there any chance you could, you know... write headlines about something else? Anything at all will do, as long as deflects attention away from what an absolute arse of a job we're doing?"

Media to government:

"Hmmmmm.... let me think... wait a minute, I know! It's been a few years since we created that massive commotion over bird-flu, what a laugh that was eh?! Half the world was scared out of their wits, even though in the end the only people killed were a few grannies and some guy from the Huang Sheng province who'd been convicted of shagging chickens. I reckon most people will have forgotten about that; why don't we try the same trick again? I've heard that there's one or two Mexicans been killed by swine flu; I suppose we could create a massively overblown media storm about that. Once the 24-hour rolling news channels get a hold of it, forget the economy boys, people will be far too busy running for their lives scared shitless about swine flu"

Government to media:

"Hey sounds absolutely excellent, lets do it. Just one question though... this swine flu, how dangerous is it?"

Media to Government:
"Well I've heard it's just like any other flu really, pretty nasty if you get it, but there's an anti-virus widely available, and it works. But don't worry about small details like that, we'll concentrate on scary words like PANDEMIC to make sure there's a massive spread of fear and panic."

Government to media:

"Champion. Geraldine, can you get me Rupert Murdoch on the phone please?"