Threeo Walcott etc

Ok ok ok, so England played really well last night, stuffed Croatia 4-1 in Zagreb, and "teenage wonderkid" Theo Walcott scored a fantastic hat-trick. I'm English, and I'm a football fan, so I'm happy.


But it's times like these that contribute more than anything else towards the fact that every other country, and I mean EVERY other country, HATES England more than any other team. If you believe much of what's in the tabloid press this morning, christ you may as well get on the phone to FIFA right now and tell them not to bother holding the 2010 World Cup, just engrave England's name on the trophy and ship it over to FA Headquarters. One of the papers, might have been The Sun or the Star, not sure which one, anyway one of the comics, devoted eleven, yes ELEVEN, pages to the game. ELEVEN PAGES?! It's laughable.

England have won a QUALIFYING game, played really well, and unearthed a young star in the making. I'll repeat that - a QUALIFYING game. Not the World Cup Final. So lets get it in perspective for god's sake; the game does not prove, by any stretch of the imagination, that they are world-beaters.

Andy Murray

Go on son!!! My word he gave it to Nadal in the semis of the US Open, fair play to him.

Talking to folk today, and listening to a bit of radio coverage, it would appear that the jury is still out regarding many people's attitude to Murray. Is he:

1. A spoilt, dour-faced miserable grumpy sulky mummys boy, or
2. A potential worldbeater that the whole country should celebrate and get right behind

I'm definitely in the second camp on this one. Christ he's only 21 years of age, most of his 'communication issues' stem from a lack of maturity, simple as that. Even if he gets beat by Federer in tonight's final, getting there is a fantastic achievement.

It'll be interesting to see if and how the UK's coverage of him changes if he wins the US Open. Give me Angry Andy Murray over Timid Tim Henman any day.

Prom Night

Prom night? Prom night?!? Where the hell are we, Beverley Bloody Hills? What happened to School Discos?

If I see another limousine with pre-pubescent girlies done up to the nines screaming out of the windows, I swear I'm going to start carrying a crossbow. Either that or start selling fake tan at the roadside.

I blame the parents.

Umbrellas - the silent killer

I'm sure that you've probably heard at least one person in your life say something along the lines of

"If cigarettes were invented today, they'd be illegal"

Maybe you've even said it yourself. And you know what, you'd be right. Cigarettes WOULD be illegal if they were invented today. And quite right too. I'd make them illegal today anyway, but that's a whole other rant that will no doubt get its own entry here soon enough.

There's something else though, that I'm sure if it were invented today, would be deemed far too dangerous to public health, and would also be made illegal. I'm talking about umbrellas. And brollies. They're both the same. Potentially lethal. Can you imagine that jock bloke on Dragon's Den?

"So, yuv invented a divice that keeps rain offa th' individual, and it's goat a dozen metal spikes roond the edges at eye-height, pointing outtheways. Ah cud problee use it as a weapon roond the streets a Glasgow, but as a day to day item, its far too dangerous. For tha' reason, ahm oot."

And you know what, HE'D BE RIGHT. Umbrellas and brollies, particularly in the hands of air head teenage lasses and doddering old biddies who don't look where they're going, are absolutely flippin' lethal. As soon as there's a shower on a Saturday afternoon in Liverpool city centre it turns into an eye-level minefield. I say BAN UMBRELLAS now before some poor bugger - i.e. me - gets their eye poked out.

See that picture of me? Do you think I'm wearing those shades to look cool? Nope, I'm wearing them for protection - you never know when it's going to rain. Stay safe people.